My Journey from Fear to Faith

My life was swirling. I was a single mom. I owned and operated my own businesses. I became a professional coach because I wanted to help people completely transform their lives. I felt called. So when I took the leap, I was scratching my head around why it was so hard to make ends meet. 
 
I had crafted a really wonderful and amazing balance as an entrepreneur. My first business was a handmade tile studio. I created meaningful murals for people’s homes and also for public memorials. My second business was my private coaching practice. 
 
In the mornings I would get messy and creative. In the afternoons I would help people reach a new potential. Yet, why did I always just get by when it came to making ends meet? Why couldn’t I get ahead? As a single mom of three I was in constant fear over whether or not I would have bills met next month. 
 
The fear: 1) impacted my confidence as a coach, 2) kept me reconsidering my passions and 3) was exhausting. 
 
I would argue with myself, “I just need to toss my passions aside and get a real job. Passions are a luxury.” And then I’d land another client, or a mosaic installation and think, “maybe this time it will be different finally.”  
 
And… I had my morning affirmations. And... I set clear goals. And… I had my vision board with pictures of healthy food and trips to Greece. I was doing all those Law of Attraction things they say to do!  So why was the Law of Attraction not working for me!?
 
I also scratched my head because my clients received excellent benefits from working with me and the art was fulfilling and brought people joy. So, shouldn’t that just automatically equate to wild success and financial freedom?!  
 
It turns out not necessarily. This pattern of stress and poverty went on for years. But what I learned is that it wasn’t poverty of the checkbook that was the biggest issue, it was the poverty in my mind.
 
My dear friend, and coach, pointed it out to me directly.  After watching me struggle one last time she finally said, “My dear, it makes complete sense.  You are living in constant fear and so the message you are sending out is one of lack. Fear blocks abundance. Let’s get you on the track to abundance.” 
 
She had me make a daily list: 1) My responsibilities for today. 2) God’s responsibilities for the day. 
 
In essence she had me delegate what I couldn’t control, but I could ask for a positive outcome, to the Universe.  I wasn’t sure if it would work, but it felt like a weight was lifted each time I made a list and asked for help.  
 
My time was also so choked because I was trying to do it all myself. I had to honor my limits and learn how to let go and let God.
 
Each morning I made my list. It would look something like this:
 
Laurel’s Action Items:                                                 Universe Helps:

• Call to see why cable isn’t working             - Connect with someone helpful when I call
• Work on my budget                                          - Provide resources for business growth
• Go the networking event                                - Guide me to connect with the right people
• Take car to get brakes fixed                            - Help me locate an honest mechanic

 
That was Step one.  Asking.
 
It turns out asking is great, but unless we are open to receiving, we can block the very abundance we seek. This leads to step two. Receiving.
 
Step two was much harder.  I had to decide I had had enough of fear and struggle and stife.  I had to fire fear as a foe. I took a stand and declared, “From now on I walk by Faith, not by sight.”
 
I refused to live in fear anymore. If a thought crept in, or a pink slip from a utility company showed up, I would say, “That’s nice. God always provides. Help is on its way.” End of story. No doubt was allowed in for this experiment. I was even prepared to keep walking in faith, even if the utilities were turned off. 
 
What was the result? 
 
The first month I decided to pay only all the bills that were not connected to my credit. I held the faith that the money would show up and was on its way. I got behind in month one on utilities, but refused to give in. The water company threatened to turn it off.  “God provides. It is on its way.” I restated.
 
The second month money started showing up. I got caught up. I thought that was nice, but not enough proof to completely prove faith was the culprit for reversing the fear pattern.  
 
The third month, I began to get ahead. I had money for the kid’s clothes in advance and felt a sigh of relief.  While over the 3 months of fear fasting, I wasn’t living in fear, but in the back of my mind there was a question of whether or not this shift was going to work out, or not. 
 
Six months later all was still going really well.  I thought, “Well isn’t this interesting. Maybe the fear was keeping me more stuck than I knew.” I kept it up and guess what? My income thermostat setting lifted. I haven’t struggled since. Even months that normally dip don’t bother me or last very long.  
 
What I learned:
 

• Doing tasks isn’t enough. Our state of being is what makes or breaks our doing. 
• Fear is a default setting. Faith is a choice. 
• Fear has a frantic energy. Abundance is calm and confident. 
• Fear generates more distress. Abundance calls in more abundance.
• Affirmations work once we’ve declared them as our truth. 

 
When we live in the “no”, life goes so slow. 
When we move into the Know, life really begins to grow!
 
This is my story.  How would you like to write yours?  What can you delegate to the Universe? 

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