An Interview with Sandy Hogan
By Laurel Elders
Laurel: What is at the core of having a solid self-worth?
Sandy: "Early and consistent positive validation. For people to know how their children are hard-wired. Parents often parent as if they are them. Parents do this when they develop conscious parenting approaches, unconditional positive regard, curiosity aka “What does the child want?” and emotional intelligence. Someone once said, “No matter how tall your grandfather was you still have to do your own growing.”"
Sandy and I further discussed how not everyone has the luxury of such a childhood. Even those in a privileged home experience childhood wounding.
There is a theory in the roots of the Enneagram that our first wounding is what creates the defense patterns by setting a pattern of reactivity in motion. This pattern is what creates the predictability of the personality type. The more in our defense mode we are, the more predictable our behavior is. The more we self-developed we choose to become, and as we choose who we are going to show up as in the world, the less we are governed by our patterns.
Sandy taught me that self-worth is a redundant statement. “Self” should automatically equal one’s worth. When it doesn’t, something has gone wrong.
She also taught me that when we do not know our childhood wounds, big or small, are causing our defense strategies as adults, it is hard to change them. However, she says, “Once you are aware you can do something.”
Sandy says, “We become aware of our woundings through painful experiences that seem to be happening to us.” Those can either be a catalyst calling us to awaken to our true implicit worth, or, we unconsciously continue the patterns of defense and personal suffering. The beauty is that the choice is ours.
What is at the core of having a solid self-worth?
You deciding to accept your worth truly comes from you being you.
Author: Laurel Elders, PCC, CEC
Laurel helps people wake up delighted to be leading the life they've been called to step into. She is a professionally trained and credentialed Integrative Life & Leadership Coach. Laurel's coaching methodologies teach you how to take life's roadblocks and use them as stepping stones through your own wisdom, allowing you to fully lead through your calling!